staying home.

we just watched the movie, "i don't know how she does it" and it reminded me how much my life has changed over the past month and a half since i left my job to stay home full-time.

truthfully, the adjustment itself wasn't too earth-shattering {other than our spending habits but that's a whole different story. let's just say, i am loving me some aldi shopping. have you been? love it. i feel so fiscally responsible when i go}. i already had a lot of flexibility at work and spent fridays at home with the boys most weeks, so we had a fairly good routine in place when we were at home together. i thought i would have a difficult time letting go of my work and that i would want to keep up with the latest happenings. turns out, that wasn't an issue. turning my computer in was like handing over the past decade of my life, but as much as i had loved my work, i was ready to move forward. ready to have one less checklist of responsibilities. ready to travel less and have less stress hanging over me all the time. ready for less deadlines and high-pressure meetings.

like sarah jessica parker's character in the movie, i always felt like i was juggling too many balls at the same time and they were all on the verge of falling. in my opinion, balancing home life and work life is much easier said than done.

at the risk of sounding arrogant, i'd say that i was pretty darn good at my job. i had worked really hard to get to where i was and i am proud of my accomplishments. i would be lying if i didn't say that i was worried about letting all of that go. however, i am at a different stage in my life right now. i have so many things that occupy my time and energy that are much more important and meaningful and fulfilling than i found my old career to have been.  

turns out, i am sort of in love with staying home with my boys. there is more excitement in our typical day than i ever imagined possible. in fact, rocking my precious feverish boy to sleep this afternoon and soothing him when he was feeling so sick felt right. i couldn't imagine being anywhere else. having the luxury of time to sit and be still with my boy felt like a treasured gift.

i am no longer frazzled at trying to manage schedules and meetings and calendar coordination with dave's schedule. we have come up for air. we aren't in a constant state of rushing here and there.

now, granted, all this zen-like-breathing-deeply stuff has happened since we have started to get settled here in florida with our live-in "help" {aka: nana & papa}. last month was still all kinds of crazy around our house. preparing for christmas, trying to learn how to run errands with two toddlers {i normally did that stuff over lunch by myself - toddler-in-tow errand running is a slippery slope headed straight to complete meltdown mode if you aren't careful}, fundraising, compiling and mailing donations to S's orphanage, moving the house, christmas parties. it was a hectic month.

i'm still settling into this new role and i'm tentatively feeling like it was the best decision at the best time. i'm also already getting nervous about how on earth i'll keep this ship afloat once we have three toddlers in the house. things could get ugly. i can't really think about it because i have trouble breathing. i'm kidding. we'll be fine. we will. someone please tell me we will. please.

in the meantime, we will be back home to "real life" next month and will start getting adjusted again. we will start renovations on an old house a few blocks away from where we live now that we are considering moving into. that sounds crazy. moving sounds absolutely crazy. but, it may just happen. at this point, we haven't decided on anything but it is a possibility. we both like the allure of downsizing and living a little more simply. if nothing else, the renovation will give me a fun project to keep me busy while we wait for our S to come home. a fun, creative distraction is most welcome right now.

this post was a little all over the place, sorry about that. also, i'm in no way starting a SAHM vs working mom debate here. i have now been on both sides of that never-ending battleground and i do not intend to say one is better than the other. being a mom is the hardest job i have ever had. it's the most rewarding and the most challenging. i just wanted to write down my thoughts on this time of transition in our family. that's all. no hidden agenda. just writing out of a thankful heart tonight. :)

goodnight!