a blessed visit.

Remember Melanie?

melanie holding S during a visit to her orphanage a few months ago.

She is an answer to so many prayers. Right now, as I sit in my kitchen, watching my boys play with their trucks and eat their snack, my heart is bursting. Melanie is there in the DRC.

Right now. She just emailed to let me know that she is holding my sweet S while she sleeps.

She was at the market this morning purchasing food and juice for the children at the orphanage and will be there for the second time this week as the kiddos EAT and enjoy the blessing of a full belly.

Melanie shared that S can eat a lot and that she is so very sweet. She now has 7 teeth! And, a photo was snapped of her SMILING!! Oh, my heart. One of the older girls tickled her and Melanie caught a smile on camera. I am over the moon waiting for that precious gift to arrive in my inbox.

We are still waiting on word that we've passed court. I was so naive, thinking that the process was similar to the one we knew from Ethiopia. Thinking our case would go to court and the judge would give us his stamp of approval that day. Little did I know that the court process was much different and we would still be waiting on word a full two months later.

Throughout this week, I've been praying in accordance with the "Seven Sacred Pauses" as we are concluding our "7" study. I have found this practice of intentional times of prayer to be profound as we wait for mountains to be moved. The Night Watch, in particular, has been a holy time of communion with Jesus.

I have been witness to God at work this week in truly miraculous ways. I have been among a group of women interceding for a precious friend as we prayed over seemingly impossible circumstances and trusted God to pave the way. And, He has been ever so faithful.

This week has been particularly profound in our journey, as well. And, as I reread Jen's words during this week's study, I smiled at the way God reminds us that we are not alone in this.

I know. I know that well-meaning friends are worried about me and talking in whispers behind my back. I know that I am suffering and aching in a way that is confusing to most and just plain crazy to some. I know that, unless you've walked this road, you can't understand.

Instead of feeling isolated and alone, I'm feeling understood and my heart's pain has been validated by these beautiful words... {so sorry for always quoting Jen H on here. I can't help myself}...

"I am telling you, we felt her grief. We carried her turmoil. We cried her tears. Jesus made sure we sat watch with Him over her. He invited us into the vigil He was keeping on her behalf."

- Jen Hatmaker; "7, An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess

Amen and amen. Thank you, Jesus, for inviting me in.

And, these words? Words about the redemption of abandoned treasures. They resonate so deeply that I'm quite certain Jen read my mind and wrote the words of my heart in her book just so that I could read them and grasp the truth of S's story.

Thank you, sweet Jesus, for restoring my daughter back to her rightful place as a precious, loved, daughter of the King.

my mother's day smiles.

As I was downloading pictures from my phone this afternoon, I realized that I still needed to share my weekend smiles ~ Mother's Day Version.

Here they are. Some of the {truly awesome} things that made me smile this past weekend...

1.) toasting the start of the weekend with precious friends who have abundantly poured into our little family {they have loved us so, so well}.

{we toasted to friendships and God's awesome blessings in our lives. We laughed a lot and gave back to an amazing cause. We were so pampered - no one had to cook or clean up. it just doesn't get any better - and all had the most fun together}.

2.) the joy shining in the eyes of my boys. ben & nathan were SO excited to gift me my brand new bike {after I finally came downstairs...thank you, Dave, for letting me sleep in on Sunday}...

{nate wasn't in the photo but he was just as excited as ben. how cute is this little man?! seriously. i could eat him up}.

3.) mother's day picnic in the park with best pals...

4.) the gift of family.

{why yes, Nathan is picking his nose and laughing. and, yes, i should have taken a photo earlier in the day when i was actually dressed and my hair was not a complete disaster. details}. 

5.) the inevitable chaos bound to ensue when trying to corral six kiddos to take a photo with grandma. I dare you not to laugh out loud right now...

{...couldn't do it, could you? that bottom left shot of Nathan getting reprimanded is classic}.

6.) fire!

7.) love. a heart bursting with pure, unbridled, unending motherly love for these silly, sweet, innocent, adventurous, fun-loving, hilarious boys of mine. 

See? Like I said, a bunch of truly awesome reasons to smile. I am one lucky momma. :)

Pure Charity Announcement

Remember our Give1Save1 and Pure Charity fundraising week?

{You know. That week where I bombarded this blog, facebook, twitter, instagram, and pinterest with requests to get the word out? Aww. Yes, now you remember}. :)

 I can't say it enough, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you all for spreading the word and supporting our family through prayers and giving.

It was an amazingly successful week. We are fully funded for the balance of our agency payments! {We will now be saving all of Bayt Boutique proceeds for travel expenses and monthly fees}. This is SUCH an immense blessing, as any adoptive family can attest to.

We were incredibly honored to help the folks at Pure Charity launch this new feature for adoption-specific fundraising. It was absolutely a "God thing." He orchestrated all of it and we are abundantly grateful.

The really awesome news is that every adoptive family can now utilize this fundraising feature to raise tax-deductible funds for their adoption expenses. I am praying that this is a blessing to many, many families working to bring home a child through the miracle of adoption.

Ooh! Look! Another video featuring us talking {and me crying}. Let me tell you, I was a blubbering fool by the end of this day. {click on the photo below to get to the video on the PC page}.

I can't wait to see how God uses this as an opportunity to bring Him glory. Exciting things are in store!

Pure Charity Adoption Fundraisers: Provide a safe & tax-deductible way for others to give towards your adoption.  Make it easy to share your story with friends and family, inviting them into your adoption journey. Create a new funding stream to support your adoption. (Our merchant partners like Apple, GAP, Walmart, Target and over 1,000 more will donate a percentage of your purchases back to you to support your adoption)  We are only two weeks into this new feature being launched and we are already blown away by the response we’ve received! We have had nearly thirty families create personal adoption fundraisers and the first family that created a fundraiser is already fully funded! {Read more here} If you are adopting (or know someone who is) we would be honored to join you in this journey and help you meet your financial needs so you can bring your child home! Learn more by visiting our Adoption Page.

there WILL be a victory!

It has been exactly six months since we first said "yes!" to our girl.

Six long months.

Based on the way our case is moving {and the length of current Embassy investigations}, we are realistically estimating another nine + months of waiting to bring her home.

The 9-month-old little girl we first laid eyes on so many months ago, will likely be over two years old before she knows the love of a family.

I can't wrap my mind around that. I just can't.

Each time someone asks when she will be home, I don't know how to answer. I don't know whether to tell them the grim reality of our case or the hope that God will provide a way.

I refuse to believe that God will not bring her home to us this year. HE is a God of miracles.

Yet, sometimes, in moments of doubt when I start to add up the time frames for each step we have left in our process, the mountains looming in front of us seem daunting and insurmountable.

I fear for her heart so often. I am constantly praying for God to shield her heart from pain. I'm praying that He covers her in the shelter of His wings and holds her near to Him. I'm praying that her ears don't hear and her eyes don't see the dark and evil things happening around her. I'm praying that He finds a way to get her moved to a safer place while we wait to bring her home. The fear is so real for all that she is enduring during this wait. I've learned too much about the conditions she is currently in. Conditions that aren't suitable for anyone, especially a child.

I know we are in the midst of an intense Spiritual battle. I have always known about good and evil, angels and demons. Yet, I've never really, truly believed in the battles taking place in the Spiritual realms for our souls. Until now. Until I could feel the intensity of the battle. Until I felt like Elisha's servant whose eyes were suddenly opened to the hillside full of chariots of fire belonging to God's mighty heavenly army {2 Kings 6:16-17}.

I know that we are in a battle for our daughter. I know that God is on our side and there will be a victory. I know that the timeline may be longer and the battle may be harder than anything I ever imagined. Yet, I know with full confidence that this battle will be won.

I think I've referenced this post from Jen Hatmaker before, but it is worth quoting again. I won't plagiarize her entire post, yet, I will share these words of truth that have resonated so very deeply with my soul today.

"Faith has nothing to do with being stoic or "chipper" or falsely propped up. We have entered the suffering of the orphan, the mission of Jesus. It is hard and painful. It hurts and makes us cry. Suffering is like that. Spouting off Christian clichés or pretending to be strong isn’t helpful and it isn’t true. It cripples true community and confuses and isolates a watching world. 

Adoption means we are willing to enter the devastation of fatherlessness and struggle mightily to free children from the bonds of orphanhood. It is OKAY to struggle and cry and grieve and mourn while we wait. That is exactly the kind of suffering we said “yes” to at the beginning of this journey."

"Struggling isn’t a “lack of faith” like some have insinuated. It’s not that I doubt the calling or power of God at all; it’s that we've entered the pain of orphanhood and it hurts. Something about adoption seems to exempt waiting parents from permission to rage and wail. Would anyone observe an abused child, trapped in his own home, held captive because of senseless bureaucracy and say, "Well, it's God's timing"? Would we counsel a grieving mother whose child was wasting away with cancer to try not to "fall short publicly"? Of course not. But for some reason in adoption, waiting parents are expected to put on the brave face and whitewash the agony of it all. 

So, fellow adoptive parents out there, I want to tell you something: I know your tears, and I know where they come from. I don't think you are doubting your God. Who can doubt the heart of a God who says, "Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; please the case of the widow" (Isaiah 1:17)? God is clearly on the side of the orphan and all those who harbor them. 

I don't believe for a second that we are fighting against God who is withholding favor while we and our children wait. I'm totally with Paul on this one: "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (Ephesians 6:12). To the degree that God loves something, we can expect our enemy to hate it in equal proportions. With a mission to steal, kill, and destroy, redeeming abandoned lives out of the rubble of injustice is surely at the top of his Hate List. 

So go ahead: Cry. Grieve. Wail. Scream at the top of your lungs, "THIS IS NOT FAIR!!" Mourn for the birth mamas who can't raise their own babies. Rage at a system that keeps the rich richer and the poor poorer. Rant against corrupt bureaucracy and power politics that perpetually victimize the most vulnerable ones under its authority. Grieve every single second you are kept apart from your babies, because let me tell you something: If that is wrong, I do not want to be right." -- Jen Hatmaker

I love her words so, so much. 

And, to end this somber post on a positive note; take a look at how we celebrate victories in our house. This little victory was won this morning. Nate versus pooping in the potty. Nate won. And, this is just a little poop, folks. Imagine what kind of craziness will be happening around here when we are victorious and on that plane holding our daughter! I'm just warning anyone within earshot. It's going to be a celebration like none other!!!

happy mother's day.

I don't have the words to share today. Just a crazy combination of joy and sorrow. Of fullness and longing. Of laughter and tears.

I am so very thankful to be in the trenches of motherhood with these two boys. I'm thankful for all of the long days, long nights and piles of laundry. I'm thankful for the laughter and the silliness. I'm thankful for the snuggles and the "monster hugs." I'm thankful for the boo boo's in need of a kiss and the fourth round of "Jesus loves the little children" needing to be sung. I'm thankful for the honor of guiding, teaching and leading these boys through childhood. I'm abundantly thankful for the title of "momma."

I'm also aching and sad and longing for my daughter today. I'm pleading with God to hold her for me. I'm begging Him to move mountains as only He can. I'm grieving for all of the loss and pain and sorrow she has known in her short life.

And, I'm aching so very deeply with all of the mommas on this hard journey to their babies. So many sweet sisters and friends who know the real, deep pain of wanting so desperately to hold a child of their own.

This is a beautiful and hard day.

Praying for the joy to be full and real for each momma and momma-to-be in my life. I'm thankful for these girls who are doing life with me. These friends who are battling alongside me for our daughter. I have learned so much from these warrior momma friends of mine. Their intense faith and deep love for me and my family overwhelms me at times.

I'm praying that we will soon be holding our children and unable to remember the pain of this journey as we relish in the joy that is to come.

John 16:21-22: "Whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy."

Happy Mother's Day, mommas! Whether your child{ren} is home in your arms, in your womb, in Heaven, or somewhere around the world... rest in the truth that God loves you and sees you. You are a daughter of the King and you deserve to be celebrated today! XO!

crafty? {not so much}.

Let's just be honest here for a moment. I love the idea of crafts. I have oodles of pinned 'crafts for toddlers' and 'toddler activities' that I have good intentions of trying someday {preferably at someone else's house}.

The thing is, I just am not a "crafty" mom.

Also, on a random sort-of-related-tangent, I have never had a single ounce of desire to be a pre-school teacher. Ever. The messiness and snot and general noise level of all of those little tots just makes me want to have a glass of wine.

I'm just being honest. Don't judge.

All of that to say that the boys LOVE crafts. I mean, it's ridiculous. Give those two a pair of scissors and a glue stick and they will go to town.

{Apparently, give them some paint {secretly retrieved from the very top shelf} and they will go to town, also...remember this lil' diddy...}

Anyhoo, we have had several craft projects in our house over the past couple of days and it was actually fun. I was able to quench my type-A, crazy-lady tendencies for a little while and just let the mess happen.

We had a lot of fun making photo frames for our sponsored kiddos...

Oh, yes. You do, in fact, need your tool belt and screw gun to attach magnetic photo albums to the fridge. Or, at least that's how Nathan rolls. Go with it. 

We made some cutesy Mom's day cards for all the grandmas. And, we made some crazy flubber stuff that may or may not have ended up in the trash can at naptime. I'll never tell.

I even summoned my inner crafty self last night at our MOPs meeting. A super talented artist-momma in our group held my hand {literally. poor julie} through a little painting project. It turned out to actually be a lot of fun {a theme I'm learning about these little projects}. I didn't stay in the lines and it's super embarrassing to show this photo {let's just say I am never going to move to Paris to live out my secret dream of being an artist {well, never say never...}} but I sort of love my little creation...

Because of the words ... "if I go and prepare a place for you"... "Love is healing" ... " Know ye that He is near -- even now is with you"...

Love. I think I'm going to glue it to the front of my prayer journal for S. She will know that her momma went {way} outside her comfort zone to create a little something special for her. Even if she can't quite tell what it is supposed to be {for the record, it's a bird}.

So, here's to letting our hair down, getting our hands dirty, and trying new things {mod podge?! Who knew!} this weekend!

As my amazing friend, Beth would say, let's show our kids that life is an adventure. Go -- explore this great big world, honor God and have fun. 

clinging to truth.

There has been a lot of disheartening news coming out of the DRC lately. Investigations, exit permit suspensions, court delays. Doubt and fear can so easily entangle when you are waiting to hold your child on the other side of the world.

Therefore, I'm clinging to TRUTH this morning. I'm thankful and hopeful that God is moving and working all of this for good.

I'm continuing to pray boldly for a June miracle. At this point, it really is impossible for S to be home in June. Yet, I know God placed that month on my heart for a purpose and I'm praying that He displays His glory this month and next in unimaginable ways. As Hebrews 4:16 tells me, "Let us approach the throne of grace with boldness."

Two verses keep popping up in my life. Over the past week, I have seen these two verses again and again. In my Bible study, via texts from friends, emails and prayer chains. I can't ignore that God is speaking clearly to my heart with these ancient words of TRUTH:

But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch the LORD rescue you. The Egyptians that you see today will never be seen again. The LORD himself will fight for you. You won't have to lift a finger in your defense!" {Exodus 14: 13-14, emphasis mine}

For the LORD your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song. {Zephaniah 3:17}

I have seen God's splendor. I have witnessed His faithfulness.

All nations will come to your light. Mighty kings will come to see your radiance. Look and see, for everyone is coming home! Your sons are coming from distant lands; your little daughters will be carried home. {Isaiah 60:3-4, emphasis mine}

The LORD replied, "Look at the nations and be amazed! Watch and be astounded at what I will do! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it." {Habakkuk 1:5}

He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the LORD has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory. {Isaiah 61: 3}

As, I spent time in Revelation this morning studying the glorious attributes of God {as represented by the animal-like appearance of the four creatures in Revelation 4: 6-7}, I praised Him in reverent awe...

Majesty and Power {the lion};
Faithfulness {the ox};
Intelligence {the human};
Sovereignty {the eagle}.

I'm thankful that I serve a God that is higher and mightier than any government authority. The same God who rescued Daniel from the lions will rescue our daughter from her current despair...

For he is the living God,
and he will endure forever.
His kingdom will never be destroyed,
and his rule will never end.
He rescues and saves his people;
he performs miraculous signs and wonders
in the heavens and on earth.
{Daniel 6: 26-27}

Amen!